Guns and Gentlemen
by xotakux2002x
Summary: The Great Depression is hard. You have to do what you have to do. Akatsuki


Saturday afternoons were Sasori's favorite to work. No one gave him odd looks for dressing in a nice pinstripe suit and fedora on a Saturday, or looked at him funny when he went into the bank with a large bulky package under his arm. The market was starting to recover after the stock market crash a few years ago. The Great Depression, everyone was calling it. Great because it involved just about everyone in the country, and depression because that's what everyone was feeling right now. Unless you were a movie star or the owner of one of the few banks that didn't go under, you were feeling the sting of poverty pretty hard. Sasori's own town of Sunagakure had been particularly badly hit. Tourists didn't want to spend money to drive out and see pretty desert scenes anymore; not when they needed that money for food on their tables, and they could get the same view off a postcard for a nickel.

Sasori shook his head and walked towards the bank. Those thoughts were not nearly pleasant enough for a Saturday afternoon. A day where he could where his favorite suit and hat and bring a lumpy package into a bank, which was full of cash from the week and wasn't due to be cleaned out until Monday. Everyone was coming in to deposit their pay for the week, or withdraw a little for groceries or church offering in the morning. Today, everyone was happily going about their business, and took no notice of the newly arrived redhead.

That is, until the redhead opened his package and fired off a few rounds of his Tommy gun into the ceiling.

The reaction was immediate and predictable. Women screamed and dove on top of their children, and the men either took cover as well or turned to face Sasori. The security guard was already on his feet, drawing his handgun in preparation to fight. Rather than engage the guard in a gunfight, Sasori snagged a fleeing blond woman around the waist and pulled her close, pointing his gun at her head. "Nobody move, or the walls of this place are gonna be repainted, courtesy of her brains."

"Please don't shoot!" the blond begged, trembling in Sasori's arms.

Seeing that everyone was complying with his demands, Sasori ordered the guard to drop his gun and slid it across the floor to the redhead. Once this was done, Sasori kicked the gun to the far corner and barked out, "Clean out the vault. I want every dollar bill in this place." Glaring down at the redhead but unwilling to let the woman get killed, the guard walked around behind the counter and, with the help of the tellers, soon scooped up all the bank's cash and dumped it into a bag. "Good. Now set it down and slide it over to me. No funny business or she gets it," he warned, pressing the gun harder into the blond's temple.

The guard reluctantly slid the cash across the floor. Sasori made the blond pick up the bag, before dragging her backwards out of the bank. "I'm taking her with me! If I so much as think there's a cop after me, I'll blow her brains out and dump her on the side of the road!" And with that the redhead hurriedly dragged the woman across the street and into his getaway car, which had pulled up mere seconds before. "Tobi, floor it!" he ordered, throwing the blond into the back seat before diving in. His order came not a second too soon; the security guard had picked up his revolver and was running towards them now. By the time he exited the bank and had a chance to take a shot, though, Tobi was out of his range and speeding off down the road towards the state line.

Sighing in relief, the redhead set his gun on the floor and leaned back in his seat. "Nice job, Tobi. Looks like you're finally getting the hang-MMPH!"

Sasori's compliment had been interrupted by the blond "woman" flinging herself at his face and attempting to smother him with kisses. "Deidara, will you get off!" Sasori snapped, shoving the blond away from his face.

Deidara merely giggled and moved back into position over Sasori, lips hovering a few inches from Sasori's. "I'd rather get _you_off, boss."

"Should've seen that coming," Sasori grumbled as Deidara, realizing that he probably wasn't going to get another kiss, moved his head lower and began nibbling on Sasori's neck, much to his boss' chagrin. "Why on Earth do you like playing the hostage so much, brat?"

"What's not to like, un?" Deidara chuckled. "A big strong guy like you, just grabbing me and tossing me around however you want? It's a good thing this dress is so thick, boss, otherwise someone might've noticed my-"

"Erm, bosses?" Tobi squeaked from the front seat. The driver was still wearing his mask, like he did during all their field operations, but it wasn't hard to guess that the kid was blushing behind his disguise. "Which way does Tobi need to go?"

"Tobi, what've I told you about interrupting me when I'm flirting with Sasori, un?" Deidara growled.

"But Pein said not to ruin the upholstery!"

"And we're not going to, because I'm not doing _that_ in a company car, especially with **him**," Sasori ground out as he picked up Deidara at the waist and moved the blond forcibly to the other side of the car. "Get off the main road up here, Tobi. We'll double back a few miles, then go north before cutting west again."

"Roger boss!" Tobi agreed as he turned down a dirt road.

"Tch, any one ever tell you that you're wound pretty tight, even for a Catholic boy?" Deidara grumbled, but there was still a smirk on his face. "So, how'd we do?"

"Not bad. Not the biggest job we've ever pulled, but not the smallest either." Sasori handed the bag to Deidara, pleased to note that it felt rather heavy. "Think there's any traps in it?"

Deidara poked and prodded the bag for a few minutes before finally opening the sack. "Doesn't feel like it, un. Besides, this was a small town bank, boss; I doubt they could afford paint bombs or anything, un."

"Poor people," Tobi muttered from the driver's seat. "All their money, gone."

"Aww, don't be like that, Tobi," Deidara crooned, leaning forward and loosely wrapping an arm around the driver's shoulder. "Our good friend Mr. Roosevelt in Washington says that those guys are all insured, so they didn't lose any money, un. They just have to wait a while for Washington to ship 'em new, crisp bills, see?"

"But still-"

"Look at it this way," Deidara went on. "Five years ago, you and me and boss Sasori over there were all working perfectly respectable jobs, right? But then the market crashes and everything goes to hell, un. Sasori can't be a tour guide anymore because there aren't any tourists now, you can't be a bus driver 'cause all the buses got shut down, and me-"

"I'm curious, what will your respectable occupation be this time?" Sasori sarcastically called out as he began dividing the money in his lap. "Keep in mind, you've already been a grocer, baker, delivery boy, office clerk, factory worker, and coal miner when you reason this out."

"Regardless, I suddenly found myself out on the street without even a plugged nickel, un. And those guys in Washington, you think any of them lost their jobs, un? Their houses, their cars, their money? Not a one, un. And since we're sending most of our money home, think of it like we're repossessing government funds and distributing them to people in need, un."

"Tobi guesses…" the boy agreed uneasily.

"Exactly! Your dad's fixing up the church back home, right? And Sasori's grandma needs one of those new cooling things so tourists can have shade and cool drinks, if they ever start coming by again, un!"

"We each get $65," Sasori suddenly stated.

Deidara immediately returned to his seat, eyeing the money and whistling at the total. "Damn, who knew that little bank had so much money?"

"There's plenty more, but as you know Pein gets 55%, and the expenses like food and gas come out of our profits," Sasori grumbled. "Still, not a bad haul."

"We've gone a few miles; should Tobi start heading west now?"

"Sure thing kid. How long do you think it'll be before we're back in the city?"

"Tobi can get us there by tomorrow morning!" the masked gangster promised.

"Good job kid," Deidara complimented before leaning forward and giving Tobi a peck on the cheek.

Tobi began sputtering and nearly drove the car into a ditch, prompting Sasori to yank Deidara backwards into his seat. "Brat!"

"Tobi promises he did not mean to engage in debauchery while driving!" Tobi barked out as his face turned a vibrant shade of scarlet.

"Oh relax, Tobi," Deidara chuckled. "Just showing my appreciation for your hard work."

"You're going to get us killed!" Sasori snapped. "And stop kissing everything that moves!"

"Again, you're wound as tight as a German cuckoo clock, boss," Deidara giggled as he sank back into his seat. "Man, I can't wait to get back to the city and spend some of my share, un."

"Well we've got about fourteen hours before that happens, so try to contain yourself until then," Sasori ordered. Deidara nodded and curled up against the window, shutting his eyes for an afternoon snooze.

Satisfied that the blond was going to behave for a while, Sasori repacked the money into the sack and leaned back in his seat. It would be a while before they got back to their boss. Before that could happen, they'd need to stop for gas, get food, Deidara would wake up, get coffee for Tobi, and a number of other things. Until then, he was just going to sit back, and enjoy the passing scenery on this lazy Saturday afternoon.


End file.
